58 Thoughts You Have While Trying To Take A Baby Passport Photo

  1. Hi, teenage employee at the drugstore. Can I call you Toby? We need a passport photo!
  2. How long is this going to take?
  3. Oh man, they have to be awake?
  4. So awake, but not crying or hungry?
  5. Please, if you know how to make that happen, Toby. Fill me in.
  6. Okay baby, wake up now, honey.
  7. I can't believe i'm doing this.
  8. I spend most of my life now trying to get this kid to sleep.
  9. Now I'm waking him up?
  10. Hello, sugar! Yes, there's those beautiful eyes!
  11. Okay, Toby. Take the picture! Take the picture!
  12. What do you mean something's wrong with the camera?
  13. It'll just be a minute? Do you know how much could go wrong in a minute?
  14. I hope he's not hungry.
  15. Oh, precious baby yawn!
  16. Uh-oh. He's getting squirmy
  17. Do I even have what i need to feed him or is everything in the car?
  18. Oh, please don't be hungry, bud. Just hang on for your photo shoot!
  19. This teenage boy is working a moderate pace and will one day have this camera fixed.
  20. Oh thank goodness. He got it!
  21. So I can't be anywhere in the picture? Like nowhere?
  22. So I guess I just hold him above my head or...?
  23. Ah, yes. Lie him on the floor. Point for the teenage boy!
  24. Oh, honey. don't cry. don't cry. We need your eyes open!
  25. I mean, also don't cry because everything's okay.
  26. But seriously, we need your eyes open.
  27. Okay, don't turn your head to the side, hon.
  28. You have to look directly at the camera. Think mug shot. 
  29. Baby! Yoooo-hoooo. Look over here.
  30. Okay, let's get those hands out of your mouth.
  31. Baby! Look at the camera.
  32. Wait. Is he falling back asleep? Should I bang a tambourine? 
  33. Alright, I know you're staring up at the brightly lit ceiling, but I'm going to need you to open your eyes!
  34. Oh great. Now the head's turned again.
  35. Why do I feel like I'm on some weird, family Minute-to-win-it game?
  36. Look at Mommy! LOOK at Mommy!
  37. Wait. Is he about to roll over for the first time? While on this mat? With a teenage boy hovering above with a camera?
  38. Awh, that's so cool.
  39. But no.
  40. Really, baby. Let's get it together!
  41. Okay, don't cry. I'm not pinning you down. 
  42. I'm going to hold you just a little bit. Camera won't even notice me.
  43. I just need you to look up in a "full-face view, looking directly at the camera with eyes open."
  44. Is that TOO MUCH TO ASK????
  45. Okay, yes. It's kinda too much to ask.
  46. But if you ever want to see your grandparents, you will do it.
  47. Okay, I'm sorry. That sounded threatening.
  48. Just please, baby. I'm literally on my knees now. 
  49. Please, please, please, look up at the strange boy with the camera.
  50. Ah-ha! He did it!
  51. Did you get that, Toby? Did ya?
  52. Please tell me you did or I'm collapsing on this mat.
  53. You did? Hooray!
  54. Does it matter that his hand is in the frame like that?
  55. You don't think so?
  56. Then neither do I!
  57. We did it!
  58. Should I hug you or would that be... okay, yeah, we don't have to do that.

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