1. English or Spanish? English or Spanish? English or Spanish?
2. Spanish. We're doing this.
3. Alright, I said hola. #killingit
4. Oh, we're kissing! One cheek? Two cheek? Don't miss! And don't make this awkward.
5. Hmm... Usted or tu? Usted or tu?
6. Why does Spanish have two forms of "you"?
7. I feel like I have to choose between "Greetings! How arst thou?" or "Yo, what's up, mama?"
8. Is she older than me? Does she look older than me?
9. This seems like a dangerous game. I don't want to play.
10. Silence is golden. But seriously, I should say something.
11. Bam! Done. Informal for the win! Worst case scenario I just confirmed the "rude American" stereotype.
12. I'll try to make up for it by offering to help carry these things to the kitchen.
13. Okay, she said no. But I think that really means yes.
14. I really don't have the verbal skills for communication subtleties.
15. Okay, helping now. I guess I just confirmed the "pushy American" stereotype.
16. Small talk is my bread and butter. I can totally converse about where we're from, how many siblings to we all have, and on and on. Let's do this!
17. Just don't ask "Where is the hotel?"
18. Why are intro Spanish classes designed for tourists rather than actually speaking with people?
19. At least I have some basic kitchen vocabulary in my bilingual quiver.
20. Why is refrigerator such a hard word to say in Spanish?
21. Just skip it. Go with "refri." Zing!
22. Besides, that totally makes me sound bilingual.
23. I should not have said "refri." Now they think I'm really bilingual. Rapidfire Spanish instruction incoming!
24. Man, this language is beautiful.
25. Oh great. I was listening and totally missed any meaning whatsoever.
26. Welp, I think I just did something wrong. This is why they didn't want me helping in the first place.
27. Whatever you do, don't say embarazada. My brain says it should mean "embarrassed" but it always means "pregnant." Don't say "I'm pregnant."
28. This is not the time to start rumors about myself in my second language.
29. Just keep smiling and nodding.
30. Should I just shuffle away at this point?
31. No, there's no "socially awkward American" stereotype to my knowledge. That foolishness would be on me.
32. Okay, everyone else is talking. Wow! I love all these photos on the wall!
33. Uh-oh. Why is it so quiet? Was I asked a question?
34. Yep. Everyone's looking at me. Not good.
35. Say something!
36. Okay, response is out of my mouth. Does it land?
37. Yes, everyone seems to be nodding. I must have made some sense.
39. I hope I sounded at least a little polite.
40. Okay, I think it's time to make a graceful exit.
41. Agh! We're kissing again!
42. Hold it together...
43. Oh yeah. I'm totally bilingual.