Creating Texture in a New Year
We have lived in our house for five and half years. Five years! This is like a major record for me. I haven't lived in one house that long since the home we moved out of when I was 14.
Still, most of that time, the main wall in our living room has been empty. Billy has begged me to "just hang something up," but I waffled. I've rarely trusted my own sense of "style." Too often I buy something I think will look good, only to realize I don't like it minutes after the receipt is tossed.
I'm too easily influenced by the opinions of others. And years of always trying to do what I think I should has made it difficult for me at times to have any clear sense of what I actually want.
Okay, of course I know there is no right or wrong about how I decorate my living room wall. But I have often realized that when Billy tries to corner me with the question "What do you want?" about career, relationships, and yes, home decor... I can't answer.
This lack of direction combined with my general indecisive nature makes me a joy to live with, I'm sure. And Billy had been really asking me to please finish decorating the living room. I'm mean seriously... five years.
So we headed to one of these discount home stores. The fact that we took both children and that Billy is incredibly decisive made it one of the most hurried and satisfying shopping experiences ever.
The kids forced me to rush through the aisles, simply grabbing things I thought I liked and shoving them into the cart. I held up my finds for Billy, and he would usually say, "Do you like it? Take it."
I had little time to talk myself in and out of purchases. It was like a reality show of some kind. (Of course, let's be real, I was not going to lose that receipt in case I needed to bring it all back.)
Before coming, I had shown Billy a photo of Jen Hatmaker's wall as an example of something I liked, even though it surprised me. I was particularly drawn to her willy nilly mixing of mediums. This inspiration manifested in my trip when I picked up this item:
I heard myself shouting, "Really? This? This is what I'm getting? Billy. BILLY. Are we sure about this?" He put it in the cart.
To keep Billy happy, I did not throw all our purchases in the guest room "to think about it." Instead, I laid them out that night and he finally hung stuff on the wall. Metal inspiration. Some photos I took and framed years ago. Of course, a map. Baby pictures. A ceramic owl.
And I loved it.
That crazy metal candle holder became my favorite piece. I started to think that what had been missing in my previous attempts was texture. I loved how the new wall has wood and metal and burlap and smooth, black frames. My mind doesn't think it should work. But it does. For me, it works.
I started experimenting with texture and free form in other areas. Layering necklaces and wearing wood earrings with gold necklaces because I want to.
And I've been reflecting on the word texture for 2015.
Lots of folks choose words for the New Year. I am typically not one of those people. But if I were, I think my word this year would be texture.
What does that mean to me?
For one, I've realized that living in the same place for five years means I'm eager to cultivate some texture. In this context, you might substitute the word depth. When you are new in a place, all your relationships and experiences are smooth. All are new. I'm looking forward to diving into friendships and activities in new ways this year to create a bumpy life.
Secondly, I feel like I can choose the areas of life that I like and mesh them together, even if it doesn't make total sense. I've heard people say that they really "came into their own" in their 30's. That has yet to fully describe my experience, but I would like it to. Maybe my true self includes burlap and grommets, and maybe I'm glad to figure that out.
So that's what I've been thinking about at the dawn of this new year. What does it mean to have more texture in my relationships, this blog, my weeks, my career, my spiritual life? Hopefully, as I try to zero in on my favorites and push them all together, I'll like it as much as our wall.
What are you looking towards this year? Do you have a word?
Labels: Faith & Ministry