I was considering a writing prompt on New Beginnings. And then tonight I went to a friend’s funeral.
And all I can think about are those SemiSonic lyrics, “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”
And for some reason, this somewhat sad side of the new beginnings coin has been a large part of my thought process over the last six months. Because… for whatever reason, I’ve been really struggling with growing old lately.
Now for those of you my age, you’re thinking, “You’re ridiculous and dramatic.” But I also know I have several readers who are in the college, post-college age demographic (which I recently realized no longer includes me), and you are thinking, “I know. How is that for you?”
Something about having a second kid really tipped my mid-life crisis scale. Part of it was the adjustment from what felt like “two crazy kids and their baby” to being a full-fledged family.
Also, there was something very startling to me with Isaac’s birth as Billy and I both acknowledged a deep satisfaction with the size of our family. I may have been quoted saying, “We’ve moved out of the ‘starting a family’ stage. There’s nothing left to do except get old and die.” Yeah, I heard it. You can feel free to tell me I’m foolish.
But legitimately, I have struggled. I feel a little distracted from new beginnings. I feel like I’ve had a lot and they have all included closing a door on an alternate future. Sometimes I mourn the loss of what other lives could have been, even when I’m perfectly happy with the one I have chosen. Does that make sense?
I find myself desiring a new beginning, but not really sure what that looks like at this stage of life. It used to mean moving to a new city… or dying my hair. But now I have a whole crew that’s not in the mood to move. (I am considering some maroon highlights, but losing some steam on that one…)
New dreams feel like additional things I have to tackle on top of everything else going on. I am struggling to close any doors. To admit that every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.
And the real truth is that some beginnings (motherhood as one example, but there are others) I cannot and do not want to close. But, of course, there’s also perhaps some things maybe I should close.
So maybe I should go to God asking what new beginnings there are for me. I know cognitively that I am still very young. Okay, well maybe not very young… but young enough to keep dreaming. But I may need to close some doors rather than just opening new ones all the time.
What new beginnings are you seeking? How do you walk through the transition of leaving other stories you’ve written to make space for new ones?
This post is part of the January 2014 Synchroblog: New Beginnings. Here is the full list of posts:
Jen Bradbury - Enough
Abbie Watters - New Beginnings
Cara Strickland - Bursting
Carol Kuniholm - Acorns, King, Beloved Community
Done With Religion – A New Year, A New Beginning
Kelly Stanley - A Blank Canvas
Glenn Hager - Overcoming The Biggest Obstacle To Reaching Your Goals
Dave Criddle - Get Some New Thinking
David Derbyshire - Changed Priorities Ahead
J A Carter - The Year of Reading Scripture for the First Time
Damon - New Beginnings: Consider These 5 Questions Before Tying The Knot
Jeffrey Kranz - Where To Start Reading The Bible
Joanna990 - On survival – my one word for 2014
K W Leslie - Atonement
Happy - my One Word 365 surprise
Michelle Moseley - Ends and Beginnings
Matthew Bryant - A New Creation
Liz Dyer – It’s a new year and time to make some new mistakes
Edwin Pastor Fedex Aldrich - Foreclosed: The beginning of a new dream
Jennifer Clark Tinker - Starting a New Year Presently
Loveday Anyim - New Year New Resolutions
Loveday Anyim - New Year Resolution Dreamers
Loveday Anyim - New Year Resolution Specialists
Loveday Anyim - The New Year Planners and Achievers
Jeremy Myers - Publish Your Book with Redeeming Press
Amy Hetland - New Beginnings
Phil Lancaster – New Beginnings
Mallory Pickering – Something Old, Something New
Margaret Boelman – The Other Side of Grief
Kathy Escobar – One Image