An energetic two-year old, she is always on the move, dancing, running or falling to the floor in a tantrum. But in this moment she is still.
I never lay next to her in bed, terrified for some reason that if I do it once, it will be a new requirement for putting her to sleep.
But tonight I’m too tired. I crawl in next to her for our nightly prayer and song. I stroke her hair and she doesn’t move. I keep singing.
I adore my daughter, but she can drain me. Our personalities are too similar. Always busy, always on to the next thing, always needing.
Through my eyelashes, I see her looking at me. I’m careful not to break the moment, enjoying so deeply the feel of her close to me.
I realize my singing turned mumbling has stopped. Maybe I fell asleep. My eyes flutter open, and she is still staring.
“Mommy?” she whispers.
I wonder what she will say. How does she experience this precious moment of us cuddled close in her bed? In the storybooks, she will tell me how much she loves me right about now.
“Mommy. I want some water.”
I almost laugh and try not to be disappointed. Yes, this sounds about right. The moment has passed. I get up to find a cup.
It’s weeks later and I am struggling in my relationship with God when I remember this night with my daughter. It’s one of my fondest memories.
But I hear a still, small voice whisper, “Do you see me?”
“So often I want to be with you, to share the moments. But too frequently the only way you know to interact with me, dear child, is to ask me for water.
Take a break from always being awake, staring and asking questions. Your needs are valid, and I will provide for those. But come, let us rest together. Just enjoy this moment… with me.”
This Advent I want to find those little spaces to just rest with my Lord. Not to rattle off my requests or to unload what weighs on my heart, but to just experience the affection and rest offered to me.
Easier said than done, I know. What are the ways you rest during this Advent season?
Photo: Creative Commons
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